The lurcher is not a marine animal. It rarely dives into the sea for herring, or migrates across leagues of trackless ocean. It does, however, like a paddle now and then – and may, very occasionally, go full swim. We confess that none of ours have ever been of the total-immersion persuasion. Top of the legs is usually quite enough, and anything oceanic which looks as if it’s going to involve a serious bath is avoided. But being at the seaside in general – oh yes.
Today’s Training your Human subject is a delicate one for all lurchers. We have already pointed out that human beings are quite incompetent as a species. They can’t catch cats or squirrels, don’t run very well and so forth. Their methods of communication are primitive, and they can’t smell a fox from two feet away. Tragic, really. Nowhere is this incompetence more obvious than in the area of mating, so read on and learn what YOU need to know…
Every dog has his day, and every lurcher has her or his bottom, whether a lean, wiry one like Chilli, or a great muscular kangaroo-rump like Django. And make no mistake, a good lurcher bottom is a blessing indeed. It’s somewhere to attach that whippy, waggy tail, for starters. But it has its dark side, and that’s where we must travel today. Where the sun does not shine, there is mischief. And there is poo…
Do you really know the role of the lurcher in history? Of course you don’t. So much has been suppressed by the so-called authorities – the paramilitary division of the Kennel Club alone has twenty seven officers dedicated to thwarting recognition of the lurcher’s deserved top-dog status. Only greydogtales has the courage to tell you the truth. This, then, is what really happened, from the Book of Kells to the First World War (selected entries only)…
(Oh, and in view of the many new enthusiasts of weird fiction, horror and weird art who have been visiting us, we should point out that this is what happens every so often on greydogtales. It’s the price you pay for getting cool features on your stuff.)Continue reading The Utterly True History of the Lurcher→
