Four Weirdings and a Twiglet

We take a break from our ghul-ish obsession to round up news from the last week or two, both doggy and weird. Today is about our ancient labrador Twiglet, Josh Reynolds’ latest book, films from Mansfield Dark, the Cthulhusattva anthology and some great artwork from Totem Comics in Argentina. And the cunning connection between these? None, as far as we know, except that the dog has been known to pee on our comics.

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twiglet in somewhat more mobile days, hunting for sea monsters

It’s fair to say that our various trapped nerves and spinal argghs are not currently helped by the fact that we now have to haul a sixteen year old labrador up and down stairs several times every day due to her age, lumps and arthritis. Both Twiglet and ourselves are on painkiller sandwiches. Nothing says “There goes the slipped disc again!” like needing to carry the dog downstairs three minutes after waking up, when everything still creaks and aches.

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a typical view

We are firmly convinced that Twiglet is surviving purely on obstinacy, a quality which she has always had in abundance. This obstinacy is also why she insists on going up and down rather than settling in the comfy living-room bed like a sensible dog. So she sits either at the top or the bottom of the stairs, as appropriate, and barks loudly until someone conveys her to the opposite end. Apparently her deep, penetrating bark has not been affected by old age, and she isn’t going to give in on this one.

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the brown lump, still tea-obsessed

Of course, the process of being carried and shoved between floors triggers her weak bladder, so she pees on the carpet at her destination. Then it needs scrubbing, which wrecks our back even further. Meanwhile, Twiglet has staggered into the kitchen and is eating any shopping she can find, or going through pockets to find treats.

So we’re trying a concentrated supplement of every omega 3 thingy, green-lipped mussel, chondroitin etc. extract we can find at the moment. The dog gets it first, but if there’s no change, at least we can always eat the tablets ourselves. They’re bloody big tablets, mind you…

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You ‘ll forgive us this one, but the anthology Cthulhusattva: Tales of the Black Gnosis is now out from Martian Migraine Press, and we’re in it. There may be other writers involved, and they may be even better than us, but we didn’t say that. The Messages story by jlg himself is, oddly enough, the first Lovecraftian/Mythos story ever to come out of the greydogtales kennel, and concerns a mother and her daughter with an unusual mission in Alaska.

Far more terrifying than our story is the fact that we did an audio interview on the subject. If the talented Scott R Jones of MMP ever releases it, we’ll tell you. Find out more about Cthulhusattva by clicking on the right-hand sidebar. We think you should buy it, but we would say that, wouldn’t we? MMP have some other great stuff as well, so go explore:

martian migraine press

for all dedicated mythosians
for all dedicated mythosians

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On to other weirds and wonderfuls. Author Joshua T Reynolds, interviewed here a few weeks ago (joshua reynolds: royal occultist with a warhammer), has had the third of his Royal Occultist novels published – The Infernal Express. We have to say that we’ve enjoyed all of his tales of St Cyprian and Ebe Gallowglass, so we anticipate being thrilled and amused by this one. A how-do-I-pick-it-up? link is on the right-hand side as usual.

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and in the uk too, chaps

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The marvellous Mansfield Dark are at it again. Their M R James films are a delight, both for the content and for their highly original animated cut-out/silhouette technique – well worth a look. Richard Mansfield, who we talked to last year concerning their fab films (see mansfield dark), tells us that they are going digital, and gives us an update on their activities.

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richard and daniel – cool guys, great films

My DVD producing machinery is giving up the ghost as it were, so I’m taking the M R James film online for purchase and download.

https://vimeo.com/ondemand/apleasingterror

The link on my website works too –  www.aPleasingTerror.co.uk

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Other than that I’ve been scripting and storyboarding 2 new M.R. James adaptations, ‘Mr Humphries and his Inheritance’ and ‘The Residence at Whitminster’. I’m hoping to have one ready by Christmas.

There’s a new supernatural feature film being filmed in June under the working title ‘The UnBearable’. It’s a mostly one-man period drama set in the 1970’s featuring a demon dressed as a giant teddy bear! The film will star Henry Regan from my LGBT drama ‘The Secret Path’. I think it will have a bit of a folk/fairy tale vibe to it.

My horror ‘Video Killer’ should be out late 2016 on DVD in the USA, hopefully getting a digital release in the UK around the same time. The teaser trailer is here https://vimeo.com/108775344

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We’re also loving Totem Comics of Argentina at the moment. They have a really great website where you can browse their collections for free, including a couple of English-language offerings. There’s some very stylish art to enjoy, and a wide range of comics, including Dr Paradox by Quique Alcatena, a veteran of the comics business who we’ve mentioned a number of times on greydogtales before.

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Luciano of Totem provided us with a quick guide:

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Tótem Comics is an Argentinian digital imprint founded by Quique Alcatena ( https://web.facebook.com/quiquealcatenacomics/?_rdr ) and Fernando Calvi (arte arte arte) in 2012, with the later incorporation of Lea Caballero ( https://web.facebook.com/lea.caballero6666 ), Luciano Vecchio ( www.lucianovecchio.com.ar) and Paula Andrade ( http://www.derrewyn.com/ ).

We produce independent, creator-owned superhero comics, free for digital reading. We update weekly, each author publishes one (sometimes two) pages of his/her series, plus fanart and pinups with stories or concepts told in one image.

All of our content is available online and freely at http://www.totemcomics.com.ar/ and our Facebook page https://web.facebook.com/comicsTotem/?fref=ts , in Spanish.

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So far, two of our series are being translated to English: Paula Andrade’s “Amnistia” ( http://amnistiacomic.tumblr.com/post/130117079348 ) and Luciano Vecchio’s “Sereno The Seer” http://serenotheseer.blogspot.com.ar/

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Thanks, Luciano. As a reminder of our Stranger Seas theme, which ran over the last few months and isn’t yet entirely dried-up, we loved this splash (yes, we know) page of nautical superheroes from Totem:
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In next week’s medley we’ll be mentioning the magazine Supernatural Tales, the massive Mammoth Book of Cthulhu edited by Paula Guran and Matthew Bartlett’s super new book, Creeping Waves, which is weird even by our standards…

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Digging Deeper Than The Grave – The Ghul Part Two

Hurray, you’re back! Or you missed the first part and don’t know where you are. The story so far – H P Lovecraft got weird and creative with stories translated from the Arabic by an 18th century French guy, Galland, who wanted to intrigue his readers. Galland messed with the original stuff, made a few things up and developed the Western concept of the ghoul. But he, and William Beckford who followed the trend, were out of the letter H and so they made the goul instead. And none of these were the real ghul. Got that?

ghoul by cloister on deviant-art
ghoul by cloister on deviant-art

Today we travel further back in the Islamic Middle East, accidentally bump into M R James and head towards the Sumerians and Babylonians, with a nod to J R R Tolkien. Why would we do that? Well, because the term ghoul is from the Arabic ghūl, (from ghala, which means “to seize”, or ghal, “kill”), and is etymologically related to gallu, a type of Mesopotamian demon. And the gallu is our ultimate goal(u).

(We should point out that greydogtales articles are made up from dodgy memories, over-enthusiasm and a loft full of junk. Our old Arabian Nights was under a pile of rusty secateurs, one of our other source books has been half-eaten by our labrador, and so on. We don’t recommend entering a scholarly debate armed only with what you read here.)

As we ended Part One with The Thousand and One Nights, we’ll pick up there and give a couple of examples. In the tale The History of Gherib and His Brother Agib, Gherib, a wandering prince, encounters a powerful robber-band/family of ghul, led by Saadan, “the Ghoul of the Mountain”. The ghul here is an immensely strong creature like a man who eats the flesh of those he captures.

O Gherib,’ rejoined the hermit, ‘hadst thou ten thousand, yet shouldest thou not prevail against him, for his name is The-Ghoul-who-eats-men-we-pray-God-for-safety, and he is of the children of Ham. His father’s name was Hindi, who peopled Hind and named it, and he left this son after him, whom he called Saadan the Ghoul. Now, even in his father’s lifetime he was a cruel tyrant and an arrogant devil and had no other food than men’s flesh.

Then pricked out the Ghoul of the Mountain, with a mace on his shoulder, two hundred pounds in weight… Quoth the Ghoul, ‘Jemrcan slew him, captain of the host of King Gherib, prince of cavaliers, and I roasted and ate him, for I was anhungred.’

(Payne translation)

Saadan is converted to Islam, and becomes one of Prince Gherib’s staunchest warriors. In these post-Islamic versions of the old tales, the concept of monsters/ evil-doers embracing God is not uncommon, unlike Western stories of vampires etc.

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In The Prince and the Ogress, the ogress is a ghul which leads men astray and back to her lair where she can feed on his flesh. In order to do the waylaying, some if not all ghul have the ability to appear fair in form. In this tale, the ghul appears as an attractive young woman in the wasteland – so shapeshifting can be one of their powers.

So the prince rode after the animal until it disappeared from view somewhere in the desert; and the prince was at a loss, not knowing which way to go, until he saw a young girl weeping above the track which he followed. He asked who she was and she answered: ‘I am the daughters of one of the kings of Hind… I fell from my beast without any noticing. Now I am lost and alone and very sorrowful.

(Mardrus/Mathers translation)

The female type, properly ghula, may seduce or even marry a man before consuming his flesh. In this particular case, the girl/ghul eventually turns into the ogress that she is and leads the prince into some ruins with the intention of feeding her brood (echoes of Whitehead’s story mentioned last time).

How far the shapeshifting goes is debatable. Some say that the ghul can take the form of a hyena, which is of course both a hunter and a scavenger; others that the ghul can take the form of the last person they ate. Like ghul, hyenas are considered in Arabic folklore to be treacherous beasts, and believed by some to be incarnations of jinn. We’ll mention the jinn again in a minute.

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It seems likely that this hyena connection is at least partly responsible for both the notion that ghul scavenge and eat dead bodies, and the fact that later ghoul depictions such as H P Lovecraft’s include the dog-like heads. Hyenas have hugely powerful jaws, enabling them to make short work of even large bones.

Back to the plot, and the true nature of the ghul/ghula. Again from Ahmed K. Al-Rawi (The Arabic Ghoul and its Western Transformation):

Throughout different historical and religious periods, the character of the ghoul remained the same, being represented as an ugly human-like monster that dwelt in the desert and secluded locations, in order to delude travellers by lighting a fire and thus leading them astray. In some cases, this creature was said to have killed travellers.

This links to the concept of the will of the wisp common in the folk tales of so many countries – something which lures travellers from the safe path and to their doom. In many Western tales this involves people being drawn into forests or treacherous marshes – in Arabian tales the ghul performs the same role in deserts, ruined cities and mountainous terrain.

next ghul - 565km
next official ghul stop – 400km

A traditional ghul therefore, rather than being a creature which lairs under cemeteries, and which crouches in broken coffins getting an easy dinner, is more a symbolic creature covering a number of ideas:

  • the fear of getting lost in wild and lonely places
  • the danger and possible brutality of strangers
  • the horror/distaste associated with the consumption of human flesh

Given the number of times that that the ghul is a ghula, a female, we also wonder if the storytellers were saying something else as well – either that young men are thick and easily led astray, or that women are devious and not to be followed. Who knows?

(As an aside, last time we talked about the term ghoul being used in Western communities to describe an unhealthy interest in misfortune and death. More in keeping with the nature of ghul appetites, in colloquial Arabic the word may be used to describe a greedy or gluttonous individual.)

In Islamic circles the ghul was most commonly a fiendish type of jinn believed to be sired by Iblis, the equivalent of the Devil. If you didn’t know, jinn can be good or evil, and have the choice to accept a single benevolent (you hope) God or deny him, just like humans. You’ll remember that Saadan the ghul, who we mentioned above, was able to convert and become a ‘jolly good chap’. And evil jinn, in human form, as hyenas or even when somehow in possession of a human, can supposedly be driven away by reciting certain passages of the Quran – a simplified rite of exorcism.

Imam Ali Conquers Jinn, 1568
Imam Ali Conquers Jinn, 1568

We recently read a very confused article which decided that the Quran was blasphemous because King Solomon was said, therein, to have consorted with demons. This involves a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of the jinn as a people with free will. We’re not taking religious sides here, by the way, only looking at various texts and scriptures which might explain how things fit together.

What the Quran talks about is that “the wind was made subservient to Solomon, and he could control it of his own will, and that the jinn also came under Solomon’s control. The jinn helped strengthen Solomon’s reign, building for him monuments, houses of worship, artwork, and reservoirs.” And in tales of Solomon’s ring, which some say was bejewelled, the fourth jewel gave him dominion over the jinn, and was inscribed “There is no GOD but GOD, and Muhammad is His messenger.”

Reading this reminded us of two M R James’ stories – Canon Alberic’s Scrap-Book (1894) and An Episode of Cathedral History (1914). In the first story, an antiquarian finds a sepia drawing of King Solomon in his court, with a monstrous creature laid before the king:

At first you saw only a mass of coarse, matted black hair; presently it was seen that this covered a body of fearful thinness, almost a skeleton, but with the muscles standing out like wires. The hands were of a dusky pallor, covered, like the body, with long, coarse hairs, and hideously taloned. The eyes, touched in with a burning yellow, had intensely black pupils, and were fixed upon the throned King with a look of beast-like hate.

On the back of the drawing is found the attribution: The dispute of Solomon with a demon of the night. James goes on to write:

I have never quite understood what was Dennistoun’s view of the events I have narrated. He quoted to me once a text from Ecclesiasticus: ‘Some spirits there be that are created for vengeance, and in their fury lay on sore strokes.’ On another occasion he said: ‘Isaiah was a very sensible man; doesn’t he say something about night monsters living in the ruins of Babylon? These things are rather beyond us at present.’

Rather neat, as those ‘night monsters living in the ruins of Babylon’ will come up next time.

canon alberic's scrapbook - by rich johnson
canon alberic’s scrapbook – by rich johnson

In the second story, we have another creature of hair and horror – ‘Black it was,’ he’d say, ‘and a mass of hair, and two legs, and the light caught on its eyes.’

The widow of a former old verger, a pensioner of the Chapter of Southminster, was visited by dreams, which she retailed to her friends, of a shape that slipped out of the little door of the south transept as the dark fell in, and flitted — taking a fresh direction every night — about the Close, disappearing for a while in house after house, and finally emerging again when the night sky was paling. She could see nothing of it, she said, but that it was a moving form: only she had an impression that when it returned to the church, as it seemed to do in the end of the dream, it turned its head: and then, she could not tell why, but she thought it had red eyes. Worby remembered hearing the old lady tell this dream at a tea-party in the house of the chapter clerk. Its recurrence might, perhaps, he said, be taken as a symptom of approaching illness; at any rate before the end of September the old lady was in her grave.

The story ends with the words IBI CUBAVIT LAMIA, from a 5th century version of Isaiah , which goes:

et occurrent daemonia onocentauris et pilosus clamabit alter ad alterum ibi cubavit lamia et invenit sibi requiem

The translation is: “And demons shall meet with monsters, and one hairy one shall cry out to another; there the lamia has lain down and found rest for herself…”.

Traditions referred to many lamiae or night monsters; these were folkloric monsters similar to vampires and succubi that seduced young men and then fed on their blood. The lamia concept therefore shares much with the myth of the ghula, including a habit of dwelling in lonely and mountainous places, and feasting on men they have entrapped. In this they match the night-spirits and lilitu of Baylonian myth.

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Although we’ve spent a bit of time on the Abrahamic stuff, we now have to remind ourselves that the roots of the ghul are pre-Christian and pre-Islamic. Not only are some of the stories based on polytheistic beliefs about wandering spirits, including Bedouin folklore, but we can travel much further back yet, to fabled Babylon – as we will, eventually…

(Our thanks also to Scott Connors, who nearly derailed us in the middle of writing the above by providing far more scholarly sources, including his own essay on the ghoul. We don’t seem to be at huge variance, but if you’re interested in the ghoul in late 19th and 20th century weird/supernatural literature, you might enjoy his essay in Icons of Horror and the Supernatural. Unfortunately it’s now rather expensive to get hold of.)

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Our ‘fun’ ending, which shows you what sort of fun you get at our house, is about something we fell over when putting together the final part of this article (to follow soon). Poking about in Mesopotamian myths, we came across the Lugale tale, also known as Ninurta’s Exploits. It’s an epic telling of how the warrior-god Ninurta wages war against one of his enemies, to wit Asag, who is described as:

a warrior who knows no fear — the Asag, a child who sucked the power of milk without ever staying with a wet-nurse, a foster-child, O my master — knowing no father, a murderer from the mountains

And we couldn’t help thinking, hmm, Tolkien was a well-read cove. Is it possible that this was the root of his monstrous orc Azog the defiler, a ‘murderer from the mountains’? That was the fellow who took over Moria or Khazad-Dum and slew the dwarf-king Thror. There are a few similarities, but it may be us getting carried away. We usually do.

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Asag, you see, was a gallu. Remember, ghoul = ghul = gallu.

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In the third and absolutely, definitely, no-question-about-it final part of our ghul feature some time next week, we go full Mesopotamian…

 

 

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Ghoul versus Ghul – A Myth Returns

“Hampton pointed to the grave, which had been torn open as if by a wild animal of hellish strength. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘The monster itself!’ And there amidst the rotting remains crouched a thing of nightmares, gibbering as it gnawed on a decaying human thigh-bone. I nodded. ‘Very nice. That’s not a proper ghoul, though. You, dear Hampton, have been reading too much Lovecraft.’ I took his arm. ‘Fancy a pint?’ And as we walked away, I thought that perhaps I heard a Meep of disappointment from within the grave.”

Five go Mad in Arkham (J Linseed Grant)

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c. sam wood

We’re actually here to find the ghul of Middle-Eastern myth, not the dog-headed, corpse-crunching ghoul that it became in the pages of Weird Tales. We’re doing it in two parts, because there’s a lot to work through. Today we’re hunting backwards, from the 1930s to the 1730s (a few years earlier, actually, but it didn’t sound as good).

H P Lovecraft went askew. Or, if you want to put it a nicer way, he drew on the confused works of European translators and earlier authors, and developed his own particular take on the whole concept of the ghoul. So it’s fine, we can still be chums, but how did it all come about?

Nowadays, a ghoulish manner is ascribed to those who have an unhealthy pre-occupation with death and disaster. Those who gather around accidents and car crashes are described as ghoulish. This use of the word ghoul was fairly well established by the start of the 20th century – an unpleasant mentality rather than a creature of horror. Galsworthy, for example, wrote in his 1918 collection Five Tales:

“But then he was such a worthless vagabond, a ghoul who had robbed a dead body.”

Seeking inspiration away from the Gothic vampires and werewolves, Lovecraft developed his own species of ghoul. His story Pickman’s Model (1926) is a good example. In the story, the narrator is introduced to various works by a gifted artist, Richard Upton Pickman. The narrator is fascinated but appalled. Pickman’s art is grotesque, and so, it seems at first, is his imagination.

pickman's model, by delano and pugh (lovecraft anthology 2)
pickman’s model, by delano and pugh (lovecraft anthology 2)

Listen—can you fancy a squatting circle of nameless dog-like things in a churchyard teaching a small child how to feed like themselves? The price of a changeling, I suppose—you know the old myth about how the weird people leave their spawn in cradles in exchange for the human babes they steal. Pickman was shewing what happens to those stolen babes—how they grow up—and then I began to see a hideous relationship in the faces of the human and non-human figures. He was, in all his gradations of morbidity between the frankly non-human and the degradedly human, establishing a sardonic linkage and evolution. The dog-things were developed from mortals!

These are the ghouls with which most readers of weird fiction are acquainted. Dog-headed creatures who live in groups or packs, and who burrow beneath graveyards, feasting on the remains of the dead. They’re HPL’s ghouls, but they’re not the ghoul or ghul of ancient folklore.

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If you want to step closer to the real ghul in fiction of the same period, you can do worse than turn to Henry S Whitehead, one of Lovecraft’s friends. He was one of the few who came close to the true nature of the ghul, in his story The Chadbourne Episode, published seven years after Lovecraft’s Pickman’s Model.

The face was covered with an equal bristle-like growth, unshaven for a month by the appearance. Above the tight-shut, menacing mouth which divided a pair of square, iron-like broad jaws, the facial hairs were merged or blended in what seemed from my viewpoint a kind of vague smear, as though the hair were there heavily matted. From this sinister figure there then emerged a thick gutteral, repressed voice…“Come – come he-ar. Come – I will show you what you look for.”

Whitehead’s ghouls have a Persian origin in the story, and take livestock and children, drawing them close to befuddle and then consume them. This is more promising stuff, but where are Lovecraft and Whitehead getting their basics?

Hanging out in the early twentieth century and wondering about writing a series of blasphemous supernatural tales, writers wanted source material to get the juices flowing. When it came to ghouls, there weren’t many sources.

They might have glanced at archaeologist R Campbell Thompson’s 1903 work The Devils and Evil Spirits of Babylonia, nattily subtitled:

BEING BABYLONIAN AND ASSYRIAN INCANTATIONS AGAINST THE DEMONS. GHOULS, VAMPIRES, HOBGOBLINS, GHOSTS. AND KINDRED EVIL SPIRITS, WHICH ATTACK MANKIND. TRANSLATED FROM THE ORIGINAL CUNEIFORM TEXTS

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We say they might (Thompson returns next time), but it’s more likely that they turned to other works. There were passing mentions of ghouls or gouls in literature during the 19th century – a reference to gouls by Byron in 1813; the fact that in Hans Christian Andersen’s tale The Wild Swans (1838), the princess heroine has to get round ghouls chomping on a corpse in a cemetery when trying to save her brothers; a mention by Poe… odds and sods, basically.

Most influential were the various translations of One Thousand and One Nights, or Arabian Nights (kitāb ʾalf layla wa-layla). The first European version of Arabian Nights was a translation by Antoine Galland at the beginning of the 18th century. Galland took his inspiration mainly from an Arabic text from Syria and produced Les Mille et une nuits, contes arabes traduits en français.

Trivia note: Two of the best known stories, “Aladdin’s Lamp” and “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves” are not from the original Arabic sources. They appeared first in Galland’s translation, and he said he got them directly from an old storyteller.

Unabridged and unexpurgated translations followed in the Victorian period – John Payne’s The Book of the Thousand Nights and One Night (1882), and then Sir Richard Francis Burton’s version (1885) – nicked mostly from Payne but with extra ‘erotica’. Both these were offered by private subscription because of their racy nature (by the standards of the times).

A number of the French and English translations had stories of ghouls, but in many cases the characteristics were exaggerated from the Arabic. For example, the pre-occupation with feasting on corpses dug from graves is most likely an invention of Galland and his successors, made to increase the Eek! Factor for Western audiences. Ahmed K. Al-Rawi, writing in the journal Folklore (2009), goes so far as to say that this idea does not feature in any of the original Arabic sources concerning the ghul.

illustration for vathek, by westall
illustration for vathek, by westall (v&a gallery)

Writers like Lovecraft, Whitehead and Clark Ashton Smith were all familiar with the Arabian Nights. They would also have known of the classic novel Vathek by William Beckford, from 1786. Beckford, influenced by the Galland translation, wrote Vathek as a piece of Arabian Gothic, cannily hitting two markets at once – the growing Gothic movement and a contemporary fascination with oriental matters.

“Do you then perform the office of a Goul? ‘Tis true you have dug up the dead, yet hope not to make her your prey…”

So everything stems from Galland and his translation. In Part Two, we’ll roll up our sleeves and go into Arabic and Babylonian myth to extract the true ghul, its origins and the reason why seven is a very powerful number…

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In the meantime, if you want a version of A Thousand and One Nights which captures more of the flavour of the original material, you could do worse than have a look at this, described as “very readable” and “strongly recommended for anyone who wishes to taste the authentic flavour of those tales”. It’s a 1990 translation by Husain Haddawy, based on the 1984 Arabic version of Muhsin Mahdi.

81CFzdsPAfLarabian nights

This should have been a mid-week medley, by the way, but we got over-excited and did something else instead. Ghuls are fun, so join us next time…

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Interview without a Vampire

I don’t write vampire stories, and I probably never will. I could argue at length that the whole vampire thing’s been done to death, only to proved wrong by a magnificent piece of contemporary fiction. I’ll leave it to others to decide. I do, however, write stories of revenants, my Returned, who are darker than most vampires and seriously lacking in capes or erotic dread. As I sold one of these stories, A Stranger Passing Through, to an anthology the other week, here’s a taster from another part of the sequence, purely for fun:

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the seven, of assyrian legend

 

You ask what we are. We are crippled children, vomited from our graves – sick, secretive and self-destructive. This is how it has always been, since long before crosses and crescents, or the pointless spattering of holy water.

They say that Assyria was at its height when the first of us came forth. We are liars, though, and I suspect that the tale was invented to make us sound more grand. Each of us returns to the world alone, in darkness and ignorance, filthy and half-mad. Try making that sound romantic.

This isn’t a fiction of Gothic clans, or fancy societies and ancient blood-lines. I could no more ‘sire’ another one of the Returned than I could give birth to a horse. It’s a doom, a punishment, whatever you want to call it, and we bear it on our own. It’s not a way of starting a new family and settling down with kids.

Are we all as monstrous as the ones I broke that night in Chelsea? Not quite. Some take their minds down other paths, quiet exercises in futility. I know a Catholic priest, Father Michael, who’s been Returned since the seventeenth century. Every thirty or so years he finds a small, godforsaken parish and does the Lord’s work until he’s been there too long, or until he runs out of ways in which to feed without causing serious harm.

Father Michael clings to his theories of redemption. That this is our Purgatory, and we must live with what we are until we find release. I remember sipping a good brandy and watching him across the dining-room table, many years ago. County Sligo, a broken-down parochial house. He’d just taken Evening Mass. I told him that I didn’t believe in Purgatory, the Day of Judgement or the Easter Bunny.

Then maybe you need belief, of some sort. Maybe that’s what will free you.”

It hasn’t done much for you,” I said, which was unkind.

Not yet.” He poured me another brandy, unruffled. “But the Lord is patient.”

Father Michael is still waiting for his God to notice him.

And then there’s Lucas. Lucas was borderline, on the edge of total shut-down, when he found colour. And apparently I had to hear all about it. Spring, 1969, it must have been, because he was still living in the hotel at King’s Cross. One of those hotels where he was the only actual resident, and the other rooms saw ten or more occupants a day, scoring, screwing, stabbing. It was a symphony of curses and banging doors, the sound of flesh on flesh and broken springs.

I had kept up with him because he’d saved me from serious damage towards the end of the Second World War. It’s a long story, for another time, but because of that incident, I called on him whenever I was in London for a while. I was growing more reserved, more distant from my kind. He was travelling inwards in a different way. Obsessive compulsive, they might call it now.

I kicked my way past the prostitutes and the dealers, found the lift broken again, and took the stairs. Lucas was waiting for me, his door already open. He ushered me in without a word. His single room had been converted into a sort of bed-sitter. You could sleep and sit in it, certainly, but not much else. Lucas waited, expectant. His narrow lips were tugged into a smile, wrinkling up his face. He’d not been young when he was Returned.

Well?” he asked.

The room was blue. Which is to say, everything in it was blue, every single thing. The walls had been painted a pale, morning sky colour, but at the edges they merged into a summer blue, more intense. He had taken a rickety wash-stand and painted that in shades of turquoise, while a desk and chair were indigo and ultramarine. I could identify twenty, maybe thirty shades of blue without even having to squint.

What is it? You’ve taken up interior decorating?”

No.” His smile widened. “I’ve found the point of it all, don’t you see? If it’s all blue, then it’s right. That’s how I put it right, see? I take an apple, and it’s all yellow and red and messed up, but if I paint it blue, then it’s OK.”

Uh-huh.” I nodded. “So, how come you’re not wearing blue clothes, Lucas?”

He looked ashamed. “I’m not ready. I have to start on the outside, then move in towards me. I’m painting the corridor, over the next week, so the room is like a centre-piece for the whole floor. I’ve spoken to the owners.”

The owners. A filthy middle-aged couple who took their cut from the deals that went on up there and only washed the linen when it stood up on its own. They lived in the basement, in conditions worse than the rooms they rented out. What would they care?

Nice.” I didn’t need to say much, because he filled up the next two hours with a non-stop lecture on the harmony of the colours, and how he couldn’t walk the pavements outside without blue leather shoes which had their soles painted… blue. If he’d been in Santa Monica or somewhere like that, he could have become Professor of Hippy Madness. In London he was just eccentric.

He was obsessional, no doubt about that. We ate fried potatoes, dyed blue before cooking, blue eggs, blue everything. The food dye went everywhere, and not all the paint around the room was properly dry. I watched his stained fingers as we ate. I remembered those fingers tearing open a man’s rib-cage, scattering innards across a field in France. A red day, not a blue one.

I’m aiming for green next, maybe in a year or two,” he shared with me.

That might make meals easier.” Nothing had tasted bad, but there was something wrong about a plateful of blue food. At least next time I would be able to enjoy the salad. Lucas nodded, lost in his colours and his dreams.

As far as I know, he’s still there. One day I’ll find out which part of the rainbow he’s up to.

You can feel better now that you know the truth. Or you can feel worse. It doesn’t much matter to me. If there is a Heaven, it doesn’t want us. If there is a Hell, it cannot hold us.

We are Returned.

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Coming up next, our mid-week medley. That’ll be mid-week, probably.

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Literature, lurchers and life