{"id":2417,"date":"2016-07-12T20:52:13","date_gmt":"2016-07-12T20:52:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/?p=2417"},"modified":"2016-07-12T20:56:42","modified_gmt":"2016-07-12T20:56:42","slug":"the-ladybird-book-of-lurchers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/the-ladybird-book-of-lurchers\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ladybird Book of Lurchers"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yes, it’s the return of the beasts. We regularly have guest writers, editors, artists and even performers on greydogtales<\/em>, but today is a Guest Dog Day – see later below. If you’ve been following our dark and weird fiction articles, or our Lovecraftian mythology dissections, this might seem confusing. And so it is. But lurchers<\/strong> and longdogs<\/strong> are weirder than most stories, so we are unrepentant.<\/p>\n

\"our<\/a>
our most handy guide book<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

A while ago we provided you with the cover design for the useful book How to Find Your Lurcher<\/em>. Mainly because our own two extremely fast longdogs disappear completely in the long grass and bracken on the moors.<\/p>\n

Occasionally one will surface for a moment, like a hyperactive tuna arching from the ocean, and then disappear once more. So we have to follow the ripples and hope there’s a dog at the end of them, not something scary. Or scarier. One day we will come face to face with a feral hippopotamus, probably, one which has come out of the River Wharfe for a bracken sandwich. Yorkshire can be like that.<\/p>\n

However, we are currently nearer home, fighting Django’s<\/strong> aphid infestation, in which he comes back from every walk covered in the little buggers. We’re not joking.<\/p>\n

\"our<\/a>
our terrifying new enemy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We’re not sure what spectrum greenfly use to see with, but apparently Django is lit up like a bonfire, because they gather on him in their hundreds, if not thousands. So the rare greenback lurcher has been catalogued, but cameras have not yet been to hand. At the moment the only treatment is to take him outside again and brush him until the numbers go down to a tolerable level, then rush him back in and slam the door.<\/p>\n

Speaking of Django, we also think we’ve got a lead on his kangaroo parentage, as we found this on the net recently:<\/p>\n

\"supposedly<\/a>
supposedly a dozing kangaroo<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Compare and contrast:<\/p>\n

\"supposedly<\/a>
supposedly a dozing django<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

If his ears had been sticking up, as they sometimes do, we would have been sure of it.<\/p>\n

But back to ladybirds, conveniently the natural enemy of greenfly. We were fortuitously provided last week with some words from another lurcher victim, Daryl Green<\/strong>, who suggested, via Jenny Kirk<\/strong>, possible contents for a Ladybird Book of Lurchers<\/em>. All based on painful experience, it would seem. So we thought we’d share…<\/p>\n

\"13608140_1356566504371203_677393924_n\"<\/a>
chuck and jazz (whippet lurcher)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Where is my lurcher?<\/h1>\n

This is Jazz. Jazz is a dog.<\/p>\n

He is also called a lurcher. When he was a puppy he went to obedience classes. He didn\u2019t learn anything in the twelve weeks he was there. His mummy and daddy wasted their money. They could have spent it on wine.<\/p>\n

\"our<\/a>
our recommended alternative to obedience classes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jazz hasn\u2019t got a very big brain, He knows his name. He doesn\u2019t know many other things. He doesn\u2019t know \u2018fetch\u2019 or \u2018come\u2019. He never fetches anything and he comes when he feels like it. Not when he is called.<\/p>\n

Jazz has long legs. He likes to run. He runs over the hill. We don\u2019t know where he is. Rabbits and hares know where he is. They like to run too but not as fast. Rabbits and hares taste very nice.<\/p>\n

Jazz has sharp claws. He likes to dig. He doesn\u2019t know why he is digging. He never finds anything. He makes lots of deep holes in the cricket pitch. The park keeper gets angry.<\/p>\n

\"a<\/a>
a typical lurcher hole<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jazz loves crisps. He loves cheese and meat and shepherd\u2019s pie and Bovril on toast. Jazz does not like dog food.<\/p>\n

\"boringgggg!\"<\/a>
boringgggg!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jazz enjoys visiting his friend, Chuck.<\/p>\n

Chuck is also a dog and a lurcher. They always play biteyface. Humans don\u2019t play biteyface. They like playing cards and drinking alcohol.<\/p>\n

Dogs and humans are best friends. Best friends don\u2019t have to have everything in common.<\/p>\n

\n

We don’t think that you can say fairer than that. Thank you, Daryl, Jenny, Jazz and Chuck.<\/p>\n

As to playing cards, regular followers of the old greydog<\/em> himself on Facebook will have seen that dogs may not be immune. In the continuing saga of The Journal of J Linseed Grant<\/strong><\/span>, posted every few days, such depravity has arisen a number of times, eg.<\/p>\n

From the journal of J Linseed Grant, 18th<\/sup> June: \u201cGambling is a curse on our household. Had to increase the allowance of the Dog that is born of Kangaroo. He lost everything in an extended evening of gin-rummy with the black dog and a passing badger. The badger was sick in the umbrella stand before it left. These animals are most vexatious.”<\/em><\/p>\n

But the world of that noted recluse is perhaps not typical. Here’s a parting shot of our own real-life pups at their most companionable:<\/p>\n

\"our<\/a>
our not-running-at-the-moment dogs, bored because we’re working<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

And that’s all we have time for today, as we are supposed to be writing and earning money. Ha ha. More dark fiction, horror, folklore, weird art and mad lurchers every couple of days. See you soon.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, it’s the return of the beasts. We regularly have guest writers, editors, artists and even performers on greydogtales, but today is a Guest Dog Day – see later below. If you’ve been following our dark and weird fiction articles, or our Lovecraftian mythology dissections, this might seem confusing. And so it is. But lurchers … Continue reading The Ladybird Book of Lurchers<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"iawp_total_views":20,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Ladybird Book of Lurchers - greydogtales<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/the-ladybird-book-of-lurchers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Ladybird Book of Lurchers - greydogtales\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yes, it’s the return of the beasts. 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A while back, we wrote something we called Lurchers for Beginners, purely for fun. It drew on years of observing just how weird they could\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"django unchained lurchers","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/begin7-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4408,"url":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/two-years-lurchers-large\/","url_meta":{"origin":2417,"position":5},"title":"Two Years of Lurchers at Large","author":"greydogtales","date":"September 4, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"The weird world is all about lurchers, when you get down to it. We finish off our second anniversary with some of the most popular lurcher and longdog photographs. And in between, some more generous words from guests we've had on during that time \u2013 two writer\/publishers, Neil Baker of\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 4 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 4 comments","link":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/two-years-lurchers-large\/#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"lurchers","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/20638887_10159289561420601_884968100504461863_n-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2417"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2417\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2433,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2417\/revisions\/2433"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}