{"id":883,"date":"2016-01-03T16:18:59","date_gmt":"2016-01-03T16:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/?p=883"},"modified":"2016-05-06T20:51:48","modified_gmt":"2016-05-06T20:51:48","slug":"star-wars-special-but-only-sort-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greydogtales.com\/blog\/star-wars-special-but-only-sort-of\/","title":{"rendered":"Star Wars Special (but only sort of)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let’s give a big welcome, dear listeners, to our special guest today, the New Year<\/strong>. So, 2016 <\/strong>(can I call you that?) tell us a bit about yourself. Only three days old, and yet you’re appearing on greydogtales<\/em>. Are you nervous? We have a mop and bucket in the corner of the studio, don’t worry about that. The linoleum’s washable. You’re feeling shy? Alright, well would you like to hear what’s coming up for you on this site? Tough luck \u2013 we’re doing it anyway.<\/p>\n

Today we abandon our typical futuristic, cutting-edge approach (such as our examination of 1897 literature and obscure weird writers who were published seventy years ago) to go Star Wars<\/strong> mad. Which is a serious lie. However, we did have to include a ground-breaking review of the latest film, The Force Awakens<\/em>, by our old friend Simon Ounsley<\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n

\"ForceAwakens\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Debonair man-about-town, one of the founders of the award-winning speculative magazine Interzone<\/em>, and prolific fan writer, Simon<\/strong> graciously went to see The Force Awakens<\/em> for us (but at his own expense). As a result, we can share this incisive post-modern critique with you, rendered directly from the crayon and bubblegum-packet original he handed us.<\/p>\n

important greydogtales health warning: If you have very little sense of humour, this review will make you breathe too hard and post a lot of pointless vitriol on facebook.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

So I saw \u2018Star Wars \u2013 The Franchise Awakes\u2019 today and here is my report. Warning \u2013 satirically mutated plot spoilers follow.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was a quivering wreck by the end because it\u2019s about 95% fight scenes and has disappointingly little of the New Age \u2018Force be with you\u2019 claptrap that I, and admittedly possibly I alone, had been hoping for. I think it was a mistake for Disney to make it over the Christmas holidays. That meant there were plenty of special effects available on the new computer they got from Santa but the supermarkets were closed so they couldn\u2019t order new plot supplies and had to make do with ones that already been used in the previous movies.<\/em><\/p>\n

Basically the main thing they had to do was to find Luke Skywalker so he could train a new generation of Jedi Knights to take on UKIP, sorry I mean First Order, the evil force which had arisen from the ashes of Joy Division when their lead singer Darth Vader died (to be replaced in this new movie by Professor Snape from Hogwarts). This meant destroying the brand new iDeathStar 7S by disabling the capacitator and taking down the Maplin website so they couldn\u2019t order a new one. This they managed to do fairly easily \u2013 save the ubiquitous Gandalf-style death plunge \u2013 which achieved everything they wanted to do except to find Luke Skywalker which was what they wanted to do.<\/em><\/p>\n

Fortunately the day was saved by the spontaneous regeneration of Skippy The Bush Kanga-r2d2 who was able to report that Luke had fallen down a mineshaft and been sulking there all along. (\u201cWhat\u2019s that you say, Skippy?\u201d Beep. \u201cThe map is on your hard drive?\u201d Beeb beep.) So all\u2019s well that ends well. I think more could have been made of the sub-plot about the awkwardness of making arrangements for Christmas lunch when so many close family members had gone over to the dark side but the movie\u2019s main lesson (in homage to Basil Fawlty) came over clearly enough: when you\u2019re battling an incipient Jedi Knight \u2018don\u2019t mention the Force.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you, Simon Ounsley<\/strong>. We’d certainly pay to see that. If we went to the cinema. If we had any money.<\/p>\n

####<\/p>\n

But back to this New Year<\/strong> thing. We have some terrific content lined up for you, and some ambitious plans. So they’ll go wrong. But in case they don’t, here’s a taste of things which might be to come\u2026<\/p>\n

\"Cand<\/a><\/p>\n