Raphael Ordonez: Fractals & Fantasies

On the principle that greydogtales is another country, we’re being different again. Today’s feature is an unusual illustrated interview with mathematician, artist and writer Raphael Ordonez. We initially asked the erudite Raphael to join us as part of our weird art theme, but there’s much more to it than that – we slide in and out of fractals, fantastic illustrators, biology and his own fantasy fiction along the way.

As greydogtales is also a grasshopper in that other country, we first came across Raphael accidentally through his blog, Alone with Alone (link at end of interview), and then discovered his interest in William Hope Hodgson. We had to delve further. So here are some thoughts from the chap himself, and some terrific pieces of art.

Me in CO

greydog: Welcome, Raphael. As you know, we’re majoring on weird art and illustration here at the moment. You’ve done paintings from real life and some quite fantastical pieces.

ro: You could say that fantasy illustration is how I got into art. In school I often got in trouble in math class for drawing pictures of monsters and goddesses and maps of imaginary countries instead of listening to the teacher. When I went to college as an art student, it was with the intention of becoming a fantasy illustrator. I can only do that kind of art when the mood hits me, though. That’s probably why I abandoned that idea of a career. Or maybe I’m just capricious.

When I paint from nature, I’m generally going for a purely visual, abstract beauty. The urge to paint something round and red strikes, for instance, and I go find a mountain laurel bean. This kind of motivation has grown up slowly in me over the years. Paul Klee, whose art was very abstract, describes a painter as a tree, drawing material up out of the earth and turning it into a crown of leaves, transforming it in the process. My art is very different from his, but I think he really captured what it’s all about.

In Forms and Substances in the Arts, Etienne Gilson describes the perennial opposition between “drawing” and “painting,” that is, between art as illustration and art as visual beauty. I feel this tension in myself, and continually vacillate between one and the other.

santa maria sopra minerva, ordonez
santa maria sopra minerva, ordonez

greydog: The first thing we noticed was the strength and clarity of light in your paintings. Is this about personal style, or is it also something to do with the quality of the light where you live?

ro: I like sharp chiaroscuro in most everything in life, including art. Perhaps that’s why I love the Santa Fe area so much. My paintings tend to reflect the high deserts and plains of the American Southwest rather than where I live, that is, the South Texas brush country. Though I’ve been here most of my life, I find the general quality of light uncongenial. Lately I’ve been doing paintings of local legendry from the time of the Spanish explorers, so perhaps the still, sultry air and bright, hazy skies of my environment are starting to sink in at last!

ant on rose petal, ordonez
ant on rose petal, ordonez

greydog: We assume that you have a naturalist’s heart and eye, given your detailed paintings of insects and plants.

ro: I’m not a trained biologist, but I’ve always spent a lot of time outdoors, camping and backpacking and studying plants and animals, especially insects. I enjoy collecting live specimens and taking pictures with my digital microscope. I also go birdwatching and beachcombing and that sort of thing. Mostly I like to get out where it’s very quiet and watch things grow.

My dad was a science teacher when I was a kid, and one of my favorite toys was an old microscope with which we’d project images of live pond samples on my playroom wall. We also went on collecting expeditions to the gulf coast. My room was a combination museum and menagerie, with pinned insects, seashells, skeletons, fossils, and live animals. I was most interested in insects, and once got a detailed tour of a university entomology department from a doctoral student my dad knew.

Not much has changed in the transition to adulthood. A while back I grew a magnificent colony of Madagascar hissing cockroaches from a single pair. The excess roaches were in turn fed to a pinktoe tarantula, but, unlike Renfield, I stopped the food chain there. My wife made me get rid of them when our first baby came, but now she misses them!

My art definitely reflects these interests. I often paint insects because they fascinate me, but also because they embody so many different shapes and colors, and seem pieced together from distinct components, like clockwork. I gravitate toward cacti and flowers for the same reason. I focus on the small-scale because I like precision, and you can’t be precise with a field of grass or a distant oak. I’ve always had trouble seeing the forest for the trees, and my paintings tend not to have much middle ground.

Saguaro Bloom
saguaro bloom, ordonez

greydog: And yet that’s perhaps what makes them so striking. You work in both oil and watercolour on a variety of surfaces. Which do you find most satisfying?

ro: I usually work in watercolor when I want to illustrate something, and oil when the focus is color and form. For watercolor I use a heavy hot-pressed paper, as this allows for a great amount of detail. Sometimes I also paint on Claybord, which consists of an absorbent clay ground on a sheet of hardboard. It’s a resilient, versatile surface, and I’ve used it for both watercolors and oils.

Over the years I’ve learned to pay careful attention to my materials, and I enjoy learning about traditional preparation methods and the chemical compositions of my pigments.

Taos Pueblo
taos pueblo, ordonez

greydog: We’d also like to mention your fractal art, which is very striking. Could you give us a simple introduction to that work?

ro: Loosely speaking, a fractal is a figure that falls between dimensions. A smooth curve like a circle or a line is one-dimensional; a smooth surface like a plane or a sphere is two-dimensional. But you could imagine a curve that’s so squiggly it transcends the first dimension but doesn’t quite make it to the second, or so disjointed that it falls short of the first dimension. That’s a fractal.

A lot of fractals (all the ones that appear in my digital art) are produced via an iterative process. For instance, you might begin with a line segment, remove the middle third, and replace it with two of the same length, meeting so as to form an equilateral triangle. You then do that to each of the four segments that result, and so on, ad infinitum. That’s how the Koch snowflake is formed.

I first learned about fractals from a film shown in my college design class. I was so impressed by their beauty that I went out and switched my major to mathematics. Now I’m a university math professor who specializes in geometry (though not fractal geometry). When I make fractal art, I’m doing something that’s quite distinct in my mind from what I do when I paint. It reflects an intellectual rather than an artistic motivation.

snowflake teragon, ordonez
snowflake teragon, ordonez

greydog: Have you commercial ambitions, such as selling canvasses and prints, or book illustration?

ro: Lately I’ve sold a number of paintings through local galleries, and hope to sell more. It’s painful because I don’t like parting with my work! Up until recently I’d been storing all my finished paintings in boxes and not showing them to anybody. When I sell them I feel that I’m really giving them away and accepting a small honorarium in return for my time. That may seem pretentious, but, whatever anyone else may think of my work, to me it’s priceless and irreplaceable.

In Andrei Rublev, one of my favorite films, director Andrei Tarkovsky portrays different approaches to art and the ways in which art and practical realities come into conflict. The protagonist, surrounded by violence and spiritual compromise, descends into his own personal hell, but emerges with the conviction that art should be “a feast for the people.” And that’s come to be my own mission in life: to provide a feast for the people, to the fullest extent that my personal talents and limitations allow, through my teaching, my painting, my writing, my involvement in the local community.

I am interested in book illustration, though I haven’t illustrated anything but my own work thus far. I would enjoy illustrating the work of some of the older fantasists. Time is a limited resource, though, and it’s always a question of where to invest it. We’ll just have to see what develops!

zilla, ordonez
zilla, ordonez

greydog: We’re always looking for new artists and illustrators to investigate on greydogtales. Who do you particularly admire?

ro: When it comes to my illustrational side, I most admire William Blake and the early work of Samuel Palmer. Odilon Redon is another one of my favorites. His weird charcoal and pastel drawings make me think of Clark Ashton Smith. I’m also very fond of Pieter Breughel the Elder and Hieronymus Bosch. Both strike me as being very much in keeping with the weird horror of William Hope Hodgson, and one Hodgson cover (the Ballantine Night Land) appears to be inspired by Bosch’s depiction of hell in The Garden of Earthly Delights.

Other sources of inspiration include late medieval illumination, the engravings of Albrecht Durer, the work of earth twentieth century illustrators like Edmund Dulac and Kay Nielsen, and the art of Frank Frazetta. I’m also fond of the cover art from the Ballantine Adult Fantasy series, to which the cover painting of my novel Dragonfly is an homage, and the poster art of the film noir era.

When it comes to my more abstract pursuits, I most enjoy Paul Klee, Georgia O’Keefe, Paul Gauguin, and Henri Rousseau.

dragonfly, ordonez
dragonfly, ordonez

greydog: You also write fantastical fiction. Mostly short stories, but you do have a novel out. What sort of themes do you explore in your writing?

ro: All of my published stories are set in the counter-earth at the cosmic antipodes (an explanation of which would involve an excursion into topology) and feature Paleozoic life forms, antediluvian races, and supernatural entities based on Greek and Semitic mythology. The human civilization in which the stories take place might be described as Steam Age (but not steampunk!) with Louis Sullivan skyscrapers and Art Nouveau flourishes, and occasional Bronze Age incursions.

My most recently published story, “The Scale-Tree” (Beneath Ceaseless Skies) is mainly about art, and especially the Paul Klee quote referred to above. But in general my stories have to do with man and nature, particularly with the seeming impossibility of preserving a sense of hope or life-purpose in the face of a universe characterized by corruption and entropy and decay and dissolution.

I’m most inspired by older, “pre-genre” fantasy novelists, from Lord Dunsany and David Lindsay down to J. R. R. Tolkien and Mervyn Peake. I also like pulp-writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Clark Ashton Smith, and Robert E. Howard. On the science fiction side, A. E. van Vogt, Philip K. Dick, and Gene Wolfe are my favorite authors. My longer works tend to be action-oriented, with a certain hard-boiled vibe, and Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett are frequent sources of inspiration. My short stories owe something to Flannery O’Connor and Raymond Carver.

beetle, ordonez
beetle, ordonez

greydog: And while we’re talking about fiction, you yourself have an interest in William Hope Hodgson, to whom we raised a glass throughout October.

ro: Yes, Hodgson is definitely another major influence, especially through The Night Land and The House on the Borderland. He was clearly motivated by some of the themes I just mentioned. He might be said to have found his own answer to the horrors of a malignant universe winding slowly toward heat death, in the form of a time-transcending erotic love. That’s not an answer that can satisfy me. But perhaps it’s enough for me that he understood the question, which is, I feel, the question of my own life.

greydog: And finally, what’s next for Raphael Ordonez – more fiction, more painting, or both? Do you have a major project on the go?

ro: I have a short story (“Salt and Sorcery”) and a novel (The King of Nightspore’s Crown) in the works, both of which will hopefully be published in the not-so-distant future. The latter will feature another wrap-around cover by yours truly. That’s my next big artistic project.

greydog: Many thanks for your time, Raphael Ordonez.

51I6KUIlt2L

Fletcher Vredenburgh, reviewing Raphael’s first novel Dragonfly on Black Gate, said:

Dragonfly is the first of a planned tetralogy. In this day of calculated, mass-marketed, trend-following books, here is a self-published adventure, practically handcrafted, with cover, map, and interior art all done by Ordoñez himself. It tells of a young prince let loose in a world of steam engines, complacent aristocrats, and tunnel-dwelling workers, and a social order on the verge of being overthrown. Ordoñez’ style hearkens back to the likes of A. E. van Vogt and Jack Vance, as well as Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Dragonfly is available here (check image in sidebar for UK source):

Dragonfly Amazon.com

And do visit Raphael’s website Alone with Alone for more examples of fractals, other art and thoughts on many topics of interest.

Alonealone with alone

Next time on greydogtales: Hm, depends on whether or not I ever finish this cursed Cthulhoid story I’m writing. So either a fascinating new article, or a picture of a longdog chewing a teddybear…

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Sebastian Cabrol: Strange Secrets of South America

Hola y bienvenido. Our dark art theme continues to grow. Following M Wayne Miller‘s great contribution, another first for greydogtales – an exclusive, fully-illustrated interview with the talented Sebastian Cabrol. Sí, es nuestro primer artículo de terror Sudamericana.

If you didn’t already know, there’s a whole South American scene for fantastic dark art and literature, with linguistic links to horror in Spain and Portugal as well. We’re quite excited about these new connections of ours, because we love to poke around in other people’s weird backyards.

ghost-low
cabrol

Sebastian Cabrol is an Argentinian artist who has produced many fine, moody pieces of weird art and who deserves wider recognition, especially outside the Spanish-speaking world. Not only that, but Diego Arandojo, another gifted Argentinian creative, has written a short article for us on working with Sebastian, which provides further insights.

sebastianpic

Aquí es Sebastian…

greydog: You’re not totally new to greydogtales, Sebastian – we featured some of your work during our William Hope Hodgson festival in October, particularly your striking illustrations for The Night Land and The House on the Borderland. So we want to start by asking you about your other work in the past. Can you give us an example of an earlier project which you enjoyed, something which we might not know over here?

sebastian: Although I’m not new in the artistic field either, somehow I haven’t published a lot of things, in fact my favourite project is still unedited. It’s an illustrated version of William Hope Hodgson’s “Demons of the Sea”. I think it will be released in 2016. Of course I strongly recommend the illustrated Spanish version of “The House on the Borderland” which was released just a month ago!

demons of the sea, cabrol
demons of the sea, cabrol

greydog: And we’ve seen inside it, great examples of your style. Is there any one illustrator or painter who inspired you at the start?

sebastian: A lot of people inspired me as a kid, from Argentinian artists such as Lucho Olivera, or Alberto Breccia, to foreign ones as Moebius, Enki Bilal, Berni Wrightson and Brian Bolland. Movies like David Lynch´s Dune and Alien were a great source of influence too.

alberto breccia - the dunwich horror (1979)
alberto breccia – the dunwich horror (1979)

greydog:  We’re reading Breccia comic strips at the moment, and we were mad for Bilal when we were younger. Looking at your own portfolio, many of your pictures have muted, sometimes monochrome, tones. Is this done for the disturbing effect, or do you prefer to work in these tones rather than full colour?

sebastian: I enjoy full coloured illustrations, I really do, but I don’t feel confident enough to use a great variety of tones as I colour my work. One part of me thinks that a limited palette adds more atmosphere and mood, and another part just give this advice: you’re not an expert on handling colours, so have some restraint! In my defence I must say that I’ve always focused more on lighting and composition rather than colour.

hermidainteriorcabrol
cabrol, courtesy arondojo

greydog: As mentioned, we first came across your work when we were looking at horror books around the world, through your work for Hermida Editores. Do you work with other publishers in Spain and elsewhere, or is most of your art for Argentinian markets?

sebastian: I’ve worked mainly for Argentina and Spain for now, but I hope that will change in the near future.

demons of the sea-08
demons of the sea, cabrol

greydog: It should do – publishers take note!  So, we’re asking two or three other book illustrators about creative freedom. Do you find that you get strict instructions from the publishers, or do they allow you the freedom to select images and interpretations?

sebastian: I guess I’ve been very lucky since in every project done as an illustrator I’ve enjoyed true freedom to do the things that please me (in the comic field usually there’s more control from the writer or the editor) I really can’t complain at all.

Secret worship-01
secret worship, cabrol

greydog: We admit we don’t know much about the Argentinian weird and horror scene. On the horror film side we hear interesting things about film writer/director Adrián García Bogliano and his brother Ramirez. Many people will have read a lot of Jorge Luis Borges‘ magical-realism, which includes some weird twists. And there’s you and Diego, of course. Is there anyone we should all be reading/watching?

sebastian: Oh, I’m not an expert nor have I read everything produced in South America to be honest, but you definitely should check the work of Alberto Breccia (Uruguayan master of horror and chiaroscuro, often imitated, but never matched), as we said above, plus Horacio Lalia, Oscar Chichoni and the exquisite work of Quique Alcatena, perhaps the best living illustrator from Argentina. Perhaps they sound familiar, since all of them worked for UK publishers Thompson on 2000AD.

Talking about literature, you already mentioned Borges, and I would like to add Julio Cortázar, Leopoldo Lugones, Adolfo Bioy Casares, Horacio Quiroga, Jacobo Bajarlía, Mario Levrero and Antonio Di Benedetto. Sadly I don´t know a lot of modern writers (with the exception of Diego Arandojo) but they surely continue the path of those Latin American masters.

secret worship_02
secret worship, cabrol

greydog: There are some fantastic names there, which we’d like to follow up in a later article. But back to you – you’ve also been an inker, for example your work for Caliban by Garth Ennis and Facundo Percio. Is it easier, or more frustrating, to ink someone else’s work?

sebastian: I find it easier to ink over someone else’s pencils, I don´t struggle at all. I know that in the beginning it can be hard to face that responsibility of finishing the pages, and it’s a bit stressful, but as the pages flow you become more sure. I enjoy it, actually.

Secret worship_03
secret worship, cabrol

greydog: Which writer(s) would you most like to illustrate if you had the chance?

sebastian: I would like to work with the authors I love, the previous mentioned and I would add one of my favourites: Arthur Machen. Of course I would be happy to do something based on the work of RL Stevenson, A Blackwood, Sheridan Le Fanu, M R James, Clark Ashton Smith, Ambrose Bierce, Clive Barker, etc. Basically my main group of favourite authors since my teenage years.

cabrol
cabrol

greydog: And finally, greydogtales would love to see more of your work. Do you have any other new projects that you can share with us?

sebastian: Right now I’ve just finished my part in a comic anthology called “H.O.U.N.D.S” based on supernatural detectives such as Jules de Grandin, Carnacki or John Silence. Writer Rodolfo Santullo and I adapted “Secret Worship” and I think it´s one of the best work I’ve done so far. I’m very proud of it.

borderland-14
borderland, cabrol

greydog: And as a bonus, readers can see some of the “Secret Worship” panels throughout this article. Gracias, Sebastian Cabrol.

sebastian: Thanks very much to you, John.

Sebastian’s own website, with many other illos, is here:

cabrol art

If you read Spanish, below is the link to the William Hope Hodgson works which Sebastian has illustrated for Hermida Editores.

hermidastitchhermida editores – william hope hodgson

####

diego

Our second guest, Diego Arandojo, has published stories and plays, is a film director, a comic writer and is trained in graphic design and illustration. He has recently edited Lovecraft en Argentina by Carlos Abraham, containing essays on H P Lovecraft‘s status and influence in Argentinian writing. While we were chatting to him about the Abraham book, he offered this reflection on Sebastian, which was perfect for today. For the original Spanish text, click the next link:

memorias de la oscuridad espanol

Y aquí es Diego…

MEMORIES OF THE DARKNESS – My journey with Sebastian Cabrol

Throughout my years as a writer and screenwriter, few times have I felt so impressed by the work of a cartoonist. One of these artists, possessed of a deep and very personal way of working, was Sebastián Cabrol.

We started working together in 2007. I did a free adaptation to comic of the story by Robert Bloch “The Feast in the Abbey”. Editor Matías Timarchi (who currently runs the Argentinian publishers OVNI Press) appointed Cabrol to draw my script. The result was stunning. The pages were full of darkness, of coldness; Cabrol’s style works in a mystic way with an incredible density.

Three years later, in 2010, our adaptation “The Feast in the Abbey” was published in the book “Relatos de No Muertos” (Tales of the Undead) (OVNI Press).

From this first collaboration onwards I was interested in continuing to work with Sebastian. In 2009 (before the publication of Bloch’s story) we did the comic “Trapped in Sleiggh”, much in the style of the BBC’s horror series. This comic was published in 2015 in the digital magazine “Lafarium”, in a special edition of horror stories in English.

Returning to the year 2010, I asked Sebastian permission to include his illustration of the Blason de Cthulhu in the CD tribute to H. P. Lovecraft issued by the Spanish label, GH RECORDS.

At the same time, Cabrol did illustrations for a book of mine (as yet unpublished) called “Disposable Kids”, and illustrated the cover of a play (also unpublished) called “The Four Messengers”, based on the film “Las 77 Páginas” (The 77 Pages), which I did together with Mauro Savarino, produced on DVD, also by GH RECORDS of Spain.

With the release of the DVD of “The 77 Pages”, Cabrol drew a comic based on this film (not yet unpublished).

In 2014 Cabrol drew the cover of my book “Lafarium”, a collection of esoteric essays and short stories from my magazine of the same name. In this book, there is also an illustration of Sebastian based on my short story “Knonix”.

In 2015 I published in the online edition of “Lafarium” an eBook entitled “Suspira de Lobos” (Sigh of Wolves), with art by Cabrol, that tells a story about the Genesis of the Bible, and the birth of the fight against the werewolves and vampires. There were originally two chapter titles drawn by him, which formed part of an unfinished project that I undertook together Matías Timarchi many years ago, called “Wolfmaiden”. Cabrol drew the opening titles of each chapter and Facundo Percio did the rest of the work. “Wolfmaiden” was never published.

We currently have many ideas for working on various comic strips. For me it is an honour to work with an artist like Sebastián Cabrol, who, in addition to his talent is an excellent human being. In 2014, I was able travel to meet him in person, after so many years of working at long distance. On that occasion I took the opportunity to make a short film about him.

I admire and respect him.

Have a look at Diego’s Lafarium site, which has the special September 2015 Horror edition on it. Check the link below the image.

lafarium1

lafarium

We should add that vital translational expertise was provided by our good friend Sarah Mooring from Alicante, who deserves praise for the bits we got right. Any mistakes are ours. As usual.

####

We hope to have Diego and Sebastian back again in the New Year to tell us more about what they’ve been up to, and it would be foolish of us not to pursue more of the writers, artists and projects raised in the above pieces, so Argentina will return to greydogtales. Or the other way round. Much reading and research is called for. Más de terror Sudamericana y Española en el futuro.

We wanted something audiovisual to end with, so we picked a short Argentinian horror film by Andres Borghi, with English sub-titles. Be warned, it’s a little unsettling.

Now go walk the dog, and stay off the computer for a while. You’ll feel better soon…

Coming next week: classic supernatural fiction, an interview with artist Raphael Ordonez, and some lurchers in there somewhere…

 

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Common Lurcher Questions: It’s Lurchers for Beginners 4

or An Expert Avoids Most of the Issues.

Every so often we glance at the doggie search questions people use to find this site. Alarmingly, some of them are quite serious ones. We’re just people who live with lurchers and longdogs. I may have to post a photograph of me in a white coat, like in the adverts, saying “I am not a veterinarian, but…”. Pictures of me in a grubby khaki jacket with a poo bag in one hand and the leads tangled around my legs are not inspiring, that’s for sure. So let’s forget that ‘expert’ word.

However, we thought that Lurchers for Beginners might look at some of the top searches and see what we could make of them. Today’s brilliant photos come from Lurcher Link forum member Ann, and are of her gorgeous deerhound/greyhound cross, Roxy.

ann's roxy
ann’s roxy

Here are the seven most commonly asked questions, and they are all genuine, taken from the last four weeks:

1) What’s the best way to get a lurcher fit?

Haven’t the faintest. We walk ours twice a day, stop Django eating discarded Greggs pasties from the pavement (and the contents of every other food bowl), and run them as often as possible. The running really does help (them, not you). And we feed raw, using meat and bone that isn’t too fatty and some blitzed fruit or veg now and then, but that’s optional. If you want to know, the approach is called BARF, which is what people do when they see you hacking up raw carcasses with a maniacal enthusiasm. Just don’t let your pups trough on endless kibble and cake, whatever you do feed them. When we’re exhausted and we’ve settled down, our dogs like to keep fit by jumping on and off the bed, playing bitey-face and generally exercising themselves – and our patience. It works for them.

2) Why are lurchers a funny shape?

This is down to God, evolution or human breeding programmes. Possibly all three. They are designed to run, with deep chests, very flexible spines and skeletal articulations which make them good at it. The sighthound crosses run in what is called a ‘double-hung’ suspension gallop, with all four feet off the ground a lot of the time. Lurchers have large hearts – they pump up on the old oxygen and charge at up to 45 miles an hour for short periods.

They’re not built for marathon-type stamina running, but for bursts of hyper-speed. They are built for dead-legging you, hitting trees and overshooting into rivers (see ‘muddy lurcher’ below). With a low body fat and wiry build, they can also look very leggy compared to other dogs. Chilli has at least eight legs, like furry stilts, which stick out all over the place, often in our faces. Or maybe we accidentally rescued a gigantic spider on a diet. It’s hard to tell. Django, on the other hand, resembles a kangaroo with identity issues, especially from behind.

roxy3
ann’s roxy (louise kingston)

3) Do sleeping lurchers growl often?

The best we get is the occasional excited set of whimpers and a frantic kicking of one or more legs. This is presumably when they are taking down the Squirrel Army on their fantasy hunting trip. See Lurchers v Squirrels – the Battle of Dork’s Drift:

squirrel madness

Or they’re finally teaching next door’s cat a lesson. In Chilli’s case it may mean that she’s having a dream about how to reach the liver treats, thus becoming an even more independent girl than she is now. Many lurchers and longdogs make very little sound even when awake, unless they’re taunting each other to run across the coffee table and see what they can knock over.

ann's roxy
ann’s roxy

4) How do you deal with a muddy lurcher?

By covering every surface of your house in cling-film and polythene sheeting, then hosing the place down once a week. You can try bathing them, at which point they look woeful, thin and distinctly put-upon. We don’t bother. Fox poo gets a quick wet scrub in the appropriate area, everything else gets a towel-down and ‘let’s hope the vacuum can pick up all the dried mud tomorrow’. Twiglet gets a towel-down even though she doesn’t go out much, because it annoys her to be left out. But we’ve had too many dogs for too long to care much nowadays. The world is, after all, primarily mud in one form or another.

a typical lurcher owner's carpet
a typical lurcher owner’s living room carpet

5) Why does my lurcher sleep so much?

Because he or she is a lurcher. Almost every dog charity seems to have posters up trying to correct people’s views of lurchers and sighthounds. The dogs are seen charging around wildly, and people go, oh, I couldn’t deal with one of them. Lurchers and longdogs are famous for kipping – as long as they have had their burst of exercise a few times during the day. Chilli dozes for twenty plus hours of the day, and is fit, slim and one of the fastest dogs we’ve ever seen. When she’s not being fast, she just wants to cuddle and sleep. Although – have we said before that lurcher puppies are insane? They may bounce off the walls quite a lot for the first couple of years. So you’ll be asking ‘Please God, why won’t my lurcher puppy just go to sleep?’ instead.

ann's roxy (louise kingston)
ann’s roxy (louise kingston)

6) What equipment do you need for a lurcher?

A rocket-pack for catching them, chainmail gloves for interrupting bitey-face, and American football-style padding for impact damage. Numerous sofas, cushions and comfy dog-beds, because lurchers are usually low in body fat, short of an undercoat and thin-skinned. They do not appreciate sleeping on hard surfaces, and will point this out to you. Repeatedly. If nothing else is available, they will use you as the required padding. You’ll learn eventually.

Alternatively, for lead and collar issues, we refer you to our post Lurchers for Beginners 2:

this time it’s personal

with the addition that if you muzzle, be sure to use an open basket muzzle of some form. These allow the lurcher to drink and pant, which are very important given their love of charging about at high speed. Don’t use a closed or constrictive muzzle whatever you do.

a typical basket muzzle
a basket muzzle looking unnaturally clean

Basket muzzles are also a good way for your lurcher to bring more mud back into the house. Or snow. Or stinky water. Lurchers and longdogs are tool-using animals, after all.

The seventh and last question for today has no funny answer, because of what might come of it. So we’ll take this one seriously.

7) Does my lurcher need a bowl off the ground?

Again, we are not a substitute for proper advice, and studies are still mixed in this area. Deep-chested and large dogs tend to be more prone to bloat, or gastric volvulus, a terrible condition which is often treatable if caught early but can also be lethal. It may sometimes be genetic, but there are some indications that raised bowls can increases the risk of bloat, maybe because the dog eats more quickly or takes in more air. Basically they’re not sure. We feed on the floor, in case they’re right. However you choose to feed your dogs, to reduce the risk of bloat ensure that you portion food out over at least two meals a day, never one big one, and don’t exercise too soon before or after feeding. Small meals and sensible exercise rules, basically. Those might help.

Bloat needs immediate veterinary treatment. This is not an area for dithering or home remedies. If you have a large or deep-chested dog, look up the symptoms and familiarise yourself with them. You may never encounter it, so don’t start stressing out. We know what people with medical dictionaries are like. It is simply better to be prepared.

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So there you have it. Another addition to the encyclopaedic Lurchers for Beginners series, bringing you everything you needed to know about your lurcher and some rubbish which you might want to forget immediately. That’ll teach you to look things up properly in a real book.

Next time: Some of those weird, dark pictures that make you feel peculiar. It’s for your own good, you know…

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