Tag Archives: lurchers

Lurchers in the Wind (and an Empress)

In which we whimsify about wild weather, walkies and worthless whistles. Plus writer Brian Barr joins us to talk about his Empress comic, hurrah! So much for alliteration. Lurcher lovers should board the first carriage only; comics enthusiasts should proceed to the far end of the train.

Lurchers first, then.

There is no ‘I’ in team. That’s because I is here, on my own, staring at mounds of mud-splattered washing and paw-marks over every surface. I’m fairly sure that’s one on the ceiling over there. Goodness knows, I love my longdogs, but the weather this winter has seriously challenged my desire to leave the computer chair.

In previous years, we’ve had some great walks in the snow. Django is especially fond of snow, and digs his muzzle into it so that he can throw it in the air, like a little kid. Ice is quite fun as well. Two long dogs in tandem do a great job of hauling you along like a world-class skater, and make you the envy of passing Jack Russell owners.

This year – storms and rain since November. Mud so deep in the woods that I’ve almost lost my wellies a number of times. And the wind…

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not a longdog, sadly

I have three problems with constantly walking in high winds:

  1. Chilli, our alpha huntress, is only fully manageable on the whistle-treat system. For starters my fingers have been too numb to find the whistle under layers of clothing. I look like a terrible accident at a jumble sale on most walks, as if three old ladies were involved in a head-on collision and all their second-hand cardigans became one huge bundle with a beard sticking out. Worse, Chilli doesn’t always hear the whistle (or me calling her) because of the wind. A loose Chilli is a sort of wiry black missile, which even Django can’t catch.
  2. That suspicious movement in the distance. You develop an additional sense if you have longdogs, a sort of long-range peripheral vision. Anything shifting in those bushes over there, a shadow moving on the far side of the field and so forth. Is that an alsatian off the lead, or a piece of cardboard? Trying to work out what is a potential risk, and what is just an airborne cornflakes packet, has become a nightmare. Recently the wind has been so bad that everything is whipping around madly, including people’s wheelie bins, car hubcaps, plastic bags and probably smaller, less well-anchored dogs. I dread the day when a Yorkie or a miniature poodle flies past. Snack-sized dogs are always a worry…
  3. Poo bags. I am a dutiful sort of fellow, but pursuing escaped poo bags across a field which is mostly underwater is not my idea of fun. If you get them out of your pocket, they catch the wind, turn inside out and whip around trying to get free, seeking only to join that colony of liberated poo bags living in the nearby woods. Old, half-shredded bags gather round the young ones at night and shake their heads as they tell the little bags about how they escaped from The Beardy Man. I am their Urban Legend. This might be a minor problem, except for the fact that Django has days when he decides he needs multiple bottom-emptying stops, usually when a family with lots of curious children goes by. He does like an audience, and poo bag hell in high winds starts again…

Add to that my frozen ears, and I submit, m’lud, that it’s about time these bloody winds stopped. I rest my case.

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our solicitor

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Now, as I am the only serious comics lover on the greydogtales team (unless you count Twiglet, who enjoys chewing the edges off a good graphic novel) I shall continue in First Person. The Magic Loft here is renowned for its many wonders, one of which is a large collection of old comics. You can’t get at half of them, because of the books, the vinyl LPs, the clothes which will never be worn again, forty seven draft novels with bits missing and the large, rusty television aerial. This last item is crucial, because the cable from it runs down the outside of the house and is the only thing which anchors the thirty foot of jasmine growing into the bedroom window.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, comics. In the last year I’ve renewed my expeditions up there and managed to extract a good quarter of the old comics. Wondrous treasures. So I thought I’d explore some newer stuff, hence things like our article on the Hellboy spin-off, Edward Grey, Witchfinder, a while ago (see the 3 sir edward greys). And in the process I bumped into writer Brian Barr. Having apologised for the light bruising, I could only make it up to him by letting him say something about his own comic, Empress.

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A collaboration between Cruel Productions and Isle Squared Comics, Empress is both easy and hard to describe. The visuals, layout, all that technical stuff I leave to others, but the writing certainly caught my eye. Empress shifts between time zones, characters and viewpoints, always anchored one way or another by the titular character. I’ll let Brian tell you the rest, along with a bit about himself:

Lines of Inspiration

My name is Brian Barr. I’ve been writing and telling stories since I was a kid. I always liked ghost stories, and would often share them with family members. I grew up with a mom who loved horror, so horror and dark stories rubbed off on me. I also loved comic books growing up, and eventually got into fantasy and science-fiction. I also like literary fiction from time to time.

My favorite authors are Anthony Burgess, Tad Williams, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Alan Moore, Clive Barker, Jon Walter Williams, and Jim Starlin. I love Japanese manga and my favorites are Akira (also love the movie), Lone Wolf and Cub, and Devilman. Anything that is creative and thought-provoking really fascinates me, and I like to explore different social themes in my writing. Along with gaining inspiration from books and authors that I like, music is very inspiring, and I like many types of music ranging from rock and punk to ambient electronic music. Different cultures and societies from around the world also feed my inspiration, as noticeable in Empress.

Empress is a comic co-created by Chuck Amadori and myself. Chuck is an amazing writer and encourages me to get better in our collaborations. The artist of Empress is Marcelo Salaza, whose great talent turns my scripts into living works of art along with Geraldo Filho, our current colorist. Matheus Broncas colored issues 1-4 before Filho and his work is just as stunning.

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Empress starts as a supernatural noir horror-thriller, and there is a mix of other genre in the work as well, from dark fantasy to historical fiction. The comic revolves around a character I created in 2011 named Zia, a Hollywood starlet from the 1930s who suddenly ends up missing. A private eye is sent to find her by the movie studio Zia works for, and he finds that Zia’s fate is beyond anything that he could have imagined.

We planned Empress as an ongoing comic series, and we’re almost halfway through the scripts we’ve written so far. We’re working hard to get it out there and share a new, unique story with lovers of fantasy, horror, sci-fi, and good fiction period. We’re creating our own mythology with inspiration from many archaic cultures, and forging a fun, dark story that people can enjoy.

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Along with the Empress comic book, my first novel, Carolina Daemonic, Book 1: Confederate Shadows, is available on Amazon in Kindle and Print. I have many short stories in a range of magazines and anthologies from Dark Chapter Press’s Kill for a Copy (with more to come from Dark Chapter Press), Nebula Rift, New Realm Magazine, and different publications from J. Ellington Ashton Press. Just type in Brian Barr in the Amazon search, my stuff will come up.

Thanks for this opportunity to join in the fun, greydogtales.

It’s been our pleasure. You can find out more about Brian’s writing at his site here:

brian barr books

Empress #5 is the start of a new story arc, but in addition to back issues you can also get #1 – 4 as a single edition.

61CcJ+xwYYL._SX325_BO1,204,203,200_empress at amazon

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We’re a little over-stuffed here in the ramshackle shepherd’s hut. So what comes over the next couple of weeks is a mystery. An interview with Neil Baker of small press April Moon, Steve Vernon on supernatural sea stories, more Lurchers for Beginners, a feature on the new Carnacki audio production, David Senior‘s fabulous photography and Scary Women 2 are all waiting somewhere.

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Days of Whine and Lurchers: End of the Year Review Part 2

A mostly canine review today, to do justice to the longdogs. Some unseen photos of our pack, some new photos from Katy of her longdog Eva, and the curious monastic regime of Django, one of our own little monsters. We do spoil it towards the end, though, by mentioning book stuff again…

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our only short-dog, doing something disgusting as usual

As we said last episode, the popularity of the Lurchers for Beginners series took us by surprise. It wasn’t even meant to be a series, for starters. During the year we covered What is a Lurcher, Lurchers and Your (ex) Garden, Common Questions about Lurchers, Lurcher Equipment and sundry other related topics.

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chilli explains to django exactly how the garden will be destroyed (it doesn’t look like this any more)

And although we use lurcher as a general cover-all term, people still ask us what we mean by longdogs, so we’ll slam it up one last time. Typically, a longdog is a cross between two sighthounds. Greyhound or whippet is often one half of the blend; the other can be saluki, deerhound or any other sighthound. Mix and match to your heart’s content. But don’t expect to be able to catch them…

To illustrate longdog types, we posted photos every so often of Django, Chilli, Ann’s Roxy (beautiful deerhound x) and Michaela’s Nicky (the amazing tripod). As we’re nearly out of year, we just have time to add Katy’s Eva, who is, by general reckoning, a greyhound x saluki. These are particularly nice because a couple of the shots really do show the “long” part of the name. Katy kindly sent us these after contact through Lurcher Link (photo credits – Katy herself and Peter Austin).

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eva demonstrates that lurcher/longdog smile
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ready for takeoff
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whee – i can fly!
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now you see why they’re called *long* dogs

Many thanks to Katy, and to others who have sent longdog photos throughout 2015.

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it’s dinner time – do something, now!

Speaking of heart’s content, we have now pinned down the strange connection between Brother Cadfael and Django. Dogs vary (surprisingly) in how they tell you they want something.

Thinking about  some of our earlier dogs, Radar used to use a peremptory single bark: I want it, now. Jade merely looked aggrieved and waited patiently. Twiglet, still astonishingly with us at 16, is given to both the Radar-bark and a hefty shove or bat with a large paw: I want it now and I’m going to hit you until I get it. Chilli signals her requirements by pushing a very cold nose in your face and knocking your glasses off.

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our late jade in a cheery mood

But Django… well, he whines. Boy, does he whine.

This might be fine on occasion, except that he adheres to a form of traditional monastic timetable which links every part of the day to a particular service. You know, where the monks have to traipse into the chapel at set hours, regardless of what else is happening. I recently managed to pin down Django’s exact schedule of service, which goes as follows:

0700 hrs  Breakfast – large bowl of yummy raw mince and bits.
1000 hrs  First Walkies – rain, sunshine, tempest, doesn’t matter. Poo forecast – light to middling.
1300 hrs  Lunch – scraps, chicken bits, anything that falls out of our sandwiches.
1500 hrs  Formal Nap – everyone should go upstairs and doze in a heap together, possibly with jumping on and off bed if First Walkies was boring.
1700 hrs  Second Walkies – especially in pouring rain, tempest etc. Poo forecast – heavy, may need multiple poo-bags.
1800 hrs  Dinner – large bowl of yummy raw mince and bits, preferably with fish or yucky bits extra (liver, kidneys, heart, last night’s uneaten peas and sprouts). Everyone else’s bowl if they’re not fast enough.
2000 hrs  Bone Time – forgotten at everyone’s peril.
1200 hrs  Supper – the sundry bits we’d been saving for a special treat (for us).
0200 hrs  Traffic direction – Chilli always takes the best dog-bed and guards it, Twiglet’s too obstinate to move, so Django has to be guided to a safe landing position.

djangotongue
you appear to be eating my sandwich

The above schedule wasn’t our idea. He decided that this was how he liked things, and set up vocal signals to train us acordingly. Any deviation is met with plaintive, highly annoying whines and general restlessness of the masses. As his regime leaves only five hours of potential human sleep, we are fortunate to have at least one of us semi-awake throughout that long day.

He is a joy, but a very whiny one when all’s said and done.

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On the non-dog, rather than the long-dog side, we explored the joys of audio. This included an article on the outstanding radio series McLevy, based on the exploits of a real life Victorian detective in the Edinburgh police. See At Last: CSI Edinburgh

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david ashton

So we were delighted to receive a subsequent e-mail from the talented David Ashton, the Scottish author and actor who writes McLevy (and star in it as Lieutenant Roach, McLevy’s boss). Amongst some kind remarks, he passed on the following:

The subsequent (BBC Audio) releases are scheduled for 1 October (Series 3 & 4) and 7 January 2016 (Series 5 & 6). We’ll all be in our Zimmer frames by the time it eventually comes out.

Sadly also the BBC in its wisdom have decreed that series 12 is to be the last. Series 11 is to be broadcast from Dec 14th (I think) 2015. Series 12 we haven’t recorded yet.

If you haven’t heard McLevy, buy, borrow it or download it. Episodes vary in their seriousness and topics. Some have a wry sense of humour and contain many wonderful observations on Victorian society and justice. At times, though, there are episodes which are haunting and quite horrifying, proving that you don’t need an actual monster to scare you – it just takes human nature.

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I can’t judge other people’s tastes, but if you would prefer reading some McLevy as opposed to listening, you might try out one of David Ashton’s books. Fall from Grace is a good one, bringing in the infamous Tay bridge disaster. Enthusiasts of Victorian fiction might also like Nor Will He Sleep, in which Inspector McLevy meets up with one Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Jekyll and Hyde, in the city to bury his recently deceased father (link on right sidebar – to the book, not the deceased father).

Towards the end of the week, a quick update to our 2015 weird and horror-related posts, and then it’s time for 2016…

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Lurchers for Writers – A Tragedy in Too Many Parts

It’s an all-dog post today, before we drift back to some stupendous weird art and illustrators. We present some of the greydogs pack, and offer you

A Morning With: J Linseed Grant

Being a writer isn’t all about exciting awards ceremonies and expensive yachts. Today we are delighted to be joined by man-about-town, fashion icon and millionaire recluse, J Linseed Grant, who shares with us some insights into his whirlwind life.

The author of the notorious dark-horror novel ‘Sandra’s First Pony’ (currently under investigation by three separate Congressional Committees), Mr Grant spoke to us at his palatial North Yorkshire mansion. We asked him to outline a typical morning with his beloved hounds. The hounds themselves, Django, Chilli and Twiglet, have not been named for legal reasons…

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the start of a busy morning

(A note for delicate listeners: We have to admit that the following tale of terror might be entirely true, unlike some of our usual  bunkum.)

0845. Whine whine whine. Longdogs are bored. Try to go back to sleep with pillow over head.

0900. Whine whine whine. Longdogs are still bored. Push one or more dogs off the bed, get up. Go downstairs, tread in pee patch. Incontinent labrador.

0910. Sit at computer with pint of tea. Adobe plug-in has crashed. Check e-mails sent out at 0230hrs (under influence of Spitfire Ale) for libellous comments, wrong e-mail addresses etc. Ring solicitor to say she may be earning extra this week.

0920. Lift tea to lips. Bark bark bark. Incontinent labrador needs helping down stairs. Due to dodgy vertebrae of both participants, perform morning ritual of kneeling on each step and letting dog tumble down in stages. One or both of us hits head on front door.

a disappointed girl with empty cuppa

0922. Whine whine whine. Longdogs think sound at front door is signal for going out. All rush downstairs. Step in pee again. Go up to get shoes. Longdogs think this is also signal for going out. All rush upstairs. Bark bark bark. Incontinent labrador thinks I am going back to bed, wants to come up as well. Gets excited, pees herself.

0930. Take everyone downstairs again. Mail has fallen in pee. Mop up pee. Put mail on radiator to dry.

0940. Cup of tea is cold. Adobe plug-in has crashed, Windows 7 no longer recognises sound card. Restart everything. Put tea in microwave. Microwave is full of raw minced chicken defrosting for dogs. Bark bark bark. Labrador wants to go into garden. Trip over labrador.

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a boy and his teddy

0950. Start writing.

0955. Stop writing when remember that greydogtales was supposed to go out this morning. Find that I have saved most pieces in the wrong folders, and lost half the article. Search folders with increasing sense of despair.

1005. Whine whine whine. Longdogs want to go for a walk. Tell them I am master here and they will have to wait. Put kettle on for hot cup of tea.

1007. Going insane due to high-pitched whining noise penetrating entire house. Take dogs out.

1115. Get back plastered in mud, with soaking wet shoes. Go upstairs to change. Bark bark bark. Labrador thinks it is nap time. Try to go to toilet before labrador starts climbing the stairs herself. Too late. Abandon toilet. Turn labrador around half way up, tumble down step by step. Hit head on door. Longdogs think we are going out again. Whine whine whine.

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a girl who has stolen someone else’s teddy

1135. First hot cup of tea. An unknown computer error has occurred. Also, unwanted McAfee Anti-virus programme now using all CPU memory. Woman phones to say she is not selling anything. Tell her that I am, and she rings off.

1140. Whine whine whine. Male longdog thinks it is lunchtime. Bark bark bark. Labrador believes him. Gets excited, pees herself. Man knocks at door offering to cut our trees down. Go to door, trip over labrador. Tell man I have less money than he has. Would he like to buy a short story? Man leaves.

1155. Start writing.

1200. Realise I am editing wrong version of story. Find right one filed with missing blog pieces, note on cost of Edwardian cutlery and photograph of a sea-cucumber. Can’t remember why that’s there.

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teddy-less, a boy turns to drink

1205. Londogs, bored again, pull stuffing out of armchair and throw it all over living room. Labrador looks as if she has been wading through deep snow. Pick up stuffing. Uncover and brush down labrador. Count number of legs etc.

1220. Start writing.

1225. Back hurts from moving labrador up and down stairs. Lie on floor, am joined by three dogs who think this is game. Try using computer pad to write on. Battery too low. Something I don’t recognise has crashed. Male longdog sits on me. Whine whine whine. He thinks this game is boring.

1240. Stand up. Trip over labrador. Bark bark bark. Labrador is hungry. Now both longdogs think it is lunch-time. Whine whine whine.

1245. Try to check e-mail. Adobe plug-in has crashed. Optical mouse full of dog hair. Restart everything. Abandon cup of tea and give to labrador.

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a girl gets her own cuppa at last

1255. Another productive morning is over. A fatal error has occurred in my writing career. Sob sob sob.

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And that’s why so many children these days dream of being writers and owning dogs. What can being a fire-officer or an astronaut offer in comparison to the thrills of a career with longdogs, lurchers and other monsters?

On greydogtales before Christmas: Cracking features on renowned illustrator and writer John Coulthart, and on the talented Danish folk-lore artist Jorgen Bech Pedersen. We might pack in some more bits over the festive period if we have the energy left…

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Common Lurcher Questions: It’s Lurchers for Beginners 4

or An Expert Avoids Most of the Issues.

Every so often we glance at the doggie search questions people use to find this site. Alarmingly, some of them are quite serious ones. We’re just people who live with lurchers and longdogs. I may have to post a photograph of me in a white coat, like in the adverts, saying “I am not a veterinarian, but…”. Pictures of me in a grubby khaki jacket with a poo bag in one hand and the leads tangled around my legs are not inspiring, that’s for sure. So let’s forget that ‘expert’ word.

However, we thought that Lurchers for Beginners might look at some of the top searches and see what we could make of them. Today’s brilliant photos come from Lurcher Link forum member Ann, and are of her gorgeous deerhound/greyhound cross, Roxy.

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ann’s roxy

Here are the seven most commonly asked questions, and they are all genuine, taken from the last four weeks:

1) What’s the best way to get a lurcher fit?

Haven’t the faintest. We walk ours twice a day, stop Django eating discarded Greggs pasties from the pavement (and the contents of every other food bowl), and run them as often as possible. The running really does help (them, not you). And we feed raw, using meat and bone that isn’t too fatty and some blitzed fruit or veg now and then, but that’s optional. If you want to know, the approach is called BARF, which is what people do when they see you hacking up raw carcasses with a maniacal enthusiasm. Just don’t let your pups trough on endless kibble and cake, whatever you do feed them. When we’re exhausted and we’ve settled down, our dogs like to keep fit by jumping on and off the bed, playing bitey-face and generally exercising themselves – and our patience. It works for them.

2) Why are lurchers a funny shape?

This is down to God, evolution or human breeding programmes. Possibly all three. They are designed to run, with deep chests, very flexible spines and skeletal articulations which make them good at it. The sighthound crosses run in what is called a ‘double-hung’ suspension gallop, with all four feet off the ground a lot of the time. Lurchers have large hearts – they pump up on the old oxygen and charge at up to 45 miles an hour for short periods.

They’re not built for marathon-type stamina running, but for bursts of hyper-speed. They are built for dead-legging you, hitting trees and overshooting into rivers (see ‘muddy lurcher’ below). With a low body fat and wiry build, they can also look very leggy compared to other dogs. Chilli has at least eight legs, like furry stilts, which stick out all over the place, often in our faces. Or maybe we accidentally rescued a gigantic spider on a diet. It’s hard to tell. Django, on the other hand, resembles a kangaroo with identity issues, especially from behind.

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ann’s roxy (louise kingston)

3) Do sleeping lurchers growl often?

The best we get is the occasional excited set of whimpers and a frantic kicking of one or more legs. This is presumably when they are taking down the Squirrel Army on their fantasy hunting trip. See Lurchers v Squirrels – the Battle of Dork’s Drift:

squirrel madness

Or they’re finally teaching next door’s cat a lesson. In Chilli’s case it may mean that she’s having a dream about how to reach the liver treats, thus becoming an even more independent girl than she is now. Many lurchers and longdogs make very little sound even when awake, unless they’re taunting each other to run across the coffee table and see what they can knock over.

ann's roxy
ann’s roxy

4) How do you deal with a muddy lurcher?

By covering every surface of your house in cling-film and polythene sheeting, then hosing the place down once a week. You can try bathing them, at which point they look woeful, thin and distinctly put-upon. We don’t bother. Fox poo gets a quick wet scrub in the appropriate area, everything else gets a towel-down and ‘let’s hope the vacuum can pick up all the dried mud tomorrow’. Twiglet gets a towel-down even though she doesn’t go out much, because it annoys her to be left out. But we’ve had too many dogs for too long to care much nowadays. The world is, after all, primarily mud in one form or another.

a typical lurcher owner's carpet
a typical lurcher owner’s living room carpet

5) Why does my lurcher sleep so much?

Because he or she is a lurcher. Almost every dog charity seems to have posters up trying to correct people’s views of lurchers and sighthounds. The dogs are seen charging around wildly, and people go, oh, I couldn’t deal with one of them. Lurchers and longdogs are famous for kipping – as long as they have had their burst of exercise a few times during the day. Chilli dozes for twenty plus hours of the day, and is fit, slim and one of the fastest dogs we’ve ever seen. When she’s not being fast, she just wants to cuddle and sleep. Although – have we said before that lurcher puppies are insane? They may bounce off the walls quite a lot for the first couple of years. So you’ll be asking ‘Please God, why won’t my lurcher puppy just go to sleep?’ instead.

ann's roxy (louise kingston)
ann’s roxy (louise kingston)

6) What equipment do you need for a lurcher?

A rocket-pack for catching them, chainmail gloves for interrupting bitey-face, and American football-style padding for impact damage. Numerous sofas, cushions and comfy dog-beds, because lurchers are usually low in body fat, short of an undercoat and thin-skinned. They do not appreciate sleeping on hard surfaces, and will point this out to you. Repeatedly. If nothing else is available, they will use you as the required padding. You’ll learn eventually.

Alternatively, for lead and collar issues, we refer you to our post Lurchers for Beginners 2:

this time it’s personal

with the addition that if you muzzle, be sure to use an open basket muzzle of some form. These allow the lurcher to drink and pant, which are very important given their love of charging about at high speed. Don’t use a closed or constrictive muzzle whatever you do.

a typical basket muzzle
a basket muzzle looking unnaturally clean

Basket muzzles are also a good way for your lurcher to bring more mud back into the house. Or snow. Or stinky water. Lurchers and longdogs are tool-using animals, after all.

The seventh and last question for today has no funny answer, because of what might come of it. So we’ll take this one seriously.

7) Does my lurcher need a bowl off the ground?

Again, we are not a substitute for proper advice, and studies are still mixed in this area. Deep-chested and large dogs tend to be more prone to bloat, or gastric volvulus, a terrible condition which is often treatable if caught early but can also be lethal. It may sometimes be genetic, but there are some indications that raised bowls can increases the risk of bloat, maybe because the dog eats more quickly or takes in more air. Basically they’re not sure. We feed on the floor, in case they’re right. However you choose to feed your dogs, to reduce the risk of bloat ensure that you portion food out over at least two meals a day, never one big one, and don’t exercise too soon before or after feeding. Small meals and sensible exercise rules, basically. Those might help.

Bloat needs immediate veterinary treatment. This is not an area for dithering or home remedies. If you have a large or deep-chested dog, look up the symptoms and familiarise yourself with them. You may never encounter it, so don’t start stressing out. We know what people with medical dictionaries are like. It is simply better to be prepared.

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So there you have it. Another addition to the encyclopaedic Lurchers for Beginners series, bringing you everything you needed to know about your lurcher and some rubbish which you might want to forget immediately. That’ll teach you to look things up properly in a real book.

Next time: Some of those weird, dark pictures that make you feel peculiar. It’s for your own good, you know…

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